That's a picture of me, the first week of September 1996. Fifteen years ago this week. At the time, I though I was hideous but now looking at the photo, I think I look nice. Nice like a nice person. I marvel at my neck, though. It seems so scrawny. How could it support my head?
I didn't expect to come across this photo today. I was doing some of my periodical self-googling when I saw they had uploaded several years of my high school's yearbook (ugh?). And as I was flipping through the virtual pages, I saw this picture of myself. Doesn't it already look so old and grainy? Like it was taken in 1982 or something? I remember this day. How can a picture of it already be fuzzy and fading away?
Anyways, this picture isn't the whole truth. I remember battling terrible acne that year. My skin looks laughably clear in this photo. I remember having an obsessive crush on a boy in another homeroom who couldn't stand me. Yet, I remained steadfast in my devotion. Then, I turned around and acted annoyed towards a boy in my class who liked me. I was too stupid to realise we were in the exact same boat. I think about that a lot. Isn't it the worst to suddenly remember some unkind word or deed you committed in the past? You just are walking along thinking, I'm an okay person, and then you remember that mean thing you said and you think, jeez "Actually, I'm kind of a jerk". And maybe, all the slings and arrows you yourself have suffered were sent forth by people who, like you, think they are basically decent.
I'm just philosophizing.
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